Why is it hard to find Christian husbands?

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By Rahul Gladwin | June, 2012.

NOTE: This article is purely satirical..........is it really?

We keep hearing about the shortage of good quality Christian husbands and Christian men in general. This is one of the reasons why we keep seeing single 30+ year old women at church. So, here is a list of top 10 qualities all Christian women would like to see in their potential, God-picked life partners:

1. Most women in America, irrespective of race, customarily seek a white boyfriend because Jesus was white.

2. Must possess the looks of Brad Pitt, brains of Einstein, and the income equivalent of 7 astronauts.

3. He must absolutely have no chest hair, should wax his arms and legs, and undergo weekly facials, pedicures and manicures.

4. Must be a Harvard-trained, born-again, politically correct, gender neutral, pro-choice, altruistic, medical doctor who constantly flaunts Facebook pictures of himself feeding poor children and puppies all over the world - especially in that African country most people cannot even locate on a world map.

5. Must own several mansions across the US and Europe, yet, drive a really small, environmentally friendly, Japanese-made, solar-powered car with a huge, pink, breast cancer awareness bumper sticker on the trunk.

6. Should cry like this guy during emotional scenes in romantic movies with cute love stories.

7. Must religiously visit the local upscale gymnasium - in tight leggings - in order to maintain his 20 BMI, but spend more time in the aerobics room doing yoga and meditating in front of a portable Bodhi tree.

8. Should be a born-again virgin, staunch vegan, animal rights activist, PETA member, and a militant liberal. Should deservedly participate in anti-drilling demonstrations near Russian and Japanese oil rigs.

9. Should play his guitar for babies and small furry animals, and smile whenever kids and squirrels cross his path.

10. Should be more spiritual than religious and believe that God is a light emanating from a 100W light-bulb; furthermore, show disdain for organized religion, Republicans, NRA members, smokers, and SUV drivers.

11. Must drool over the latest episodes of Sex and the City.

12. His favorite outfit should be bright red slim-fit jeans and a pink blazer.

13. As a display of extraneous sophistication, must carry a Starbucks coffee cup and a Gucci man-purse with the following contents: additional Starbucks coffee, napkins, lip balm, hand cream, cologne, iphone/ipad/ipod, the latest edition of Artibus et Historiae, and a Chihuahua.

14. Should prefer sushi, tofu, tiramisu, kashi, folie deux cabernet sauvignon, and other fancy-sounding New Age foods over beer, burgers, and French fries.

15. Must make vehement efforts to appease everyone - especially immigrants and minorities.

The rest of the guys can pretty much go to hell.

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